Monday, December 21, 2009
the hope home website has been stagnant since May.. i hope nothing has gone wrong.
anyway, i was just on facebook looking at lishian's OCIP Vietnam photos..
i think i need to learn to be able to let go of things/people better. or not each OCIP will have me ending up wallowing about how much i miss the kids.. the emotional attachment, emotional rollercoaster and everything are too much to bear. just look at kolkata. the only OCIP trip i have done so far... and now moving on 3 years later, i still wish to go back (again)..really miss the place, the children, the things we do too much. but if i want to be more active in CIP activities i guess i just have to change this part of me. i will be meeting more people, more children..and i cant possibly be spending my life thinking/missing/feeling so sad that i cant see them again kinda thing.
i only wish that. .my body gets better. thats the premise of everythinggg.
i need a healthy body to do more CIP! cant even do kettling this year due to back and leg problems.
i'm looking forward to an exciting uni life. one that i can be involved in all the activities i want to, not restraint by my health problems. i'm just trying to imagine myself on this really cool expedition, or travelling to other places to do OCIP.. running a marathon (HAHAHA WHEN THIS DAY COMES....THAT WILL REALLY BE SOMETHINGGG!) ..
i'm trying on a new treatment right now, so for the last time, PLEASE CURE ME ALRIGHT.
i'm looking forward to a day i can go out to play all day without having to apply counterpain and whatever medical oilment i have. part of the reason why i enjoy staying at home so much is that my back and legs get the relief they need. however happy and fun i enjoy outside always ends up with a heavy compensation by the ache and pain by my back and legs so.. this explains for my 宅女 behaviour.
just let this period be over soon.
man i hate to say this, but i miss hope home.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
:D as testament to how mundane my life has been this week, movie marathon was by far the most exciting event. (...no childcare this week you see :( haha)
lets see. we watched..5 movies. i fell asleep watching Hitman halfway..and then woke up to watch chengkoon's favourite South Park episode. THIS GUY IS SICK. okay this is no news but. seriously. who watches cartoons on who can come up with the biggest crap (and i mean shit) on earth??!!!!
i honestly cannot remember what i have been doing for the rest of this week. right..other than going for treatment every single day.. and going home to sleep the entire afternoon away after treatment because somehow it makes me reallyyy tired.
so here's what my life will look like starting from next week.
EVERYDAY - 推拿 treatment
EVERY MON, WED AND FRIDAYS - 气功 for the sick
i'm wondering how many sick people i will be meeting haha. a gathering of sick people..sounds...mm.
i'm facing a whole great deal of inertia when it comes to doing sth meaningful at home. i cant even get myself out of the sofa to pack my notes still strewn all over my room. not to talk about sitting down to make xmas cards and belated birthday cards for the kolkata kids..
cheers to a more exciting week next week!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
CHILDCARE CHILDCARE CHILDCAREEEE
one of my most wonderful days of my life this year HAHA!
children just do wonders, i wonder why.
i'm seriously considering a career along this route. it seems to be the only thing that excites me and fills me with so much joy. sometimes i wish i could stop time. i always quite pretty upset when i see children grow up from their innocent phase and morph into young adults. i know i know its only the inevitable. but i just love them too much in their purest untainted form. when they start speaking like adults its no fun anymore.
how children find delight and excitement in the simplest things in life never fails to amaze me :)
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
muscle ache from feet to upper back.
me: why is my arm suffering from muscle cramp after prom?
sis: maybe your clutch was too heavy HAHA
the best moment of the night was probably when i stepped foot at my house with my bare feet carressing the floor. HEELS CAN GO AND DIE. my feet are swollen like some charshaobao now i can see the veinnnnssss threatening to pop out soon. and my EYES. the mascara was so super sticky i couldnt get it off the entire night. and i couldnt figure out how to do so. so i ended up sleeping with the mascara still on -.- and only applied some oil to remove it upon my mum's brilliant advice. and i think the oil got into my eyes and i havent been able to open it wide since morning. hence one night of prom has cost me immobile and partially blind for an entire day today hooray.
actually i could already picture this perfect scene months ago. but it just felt 'not right' not to attend prom huh. figured that prom = cam whore. so if cameras werent invented, would prom still be prom?
to sum it all up, i dont really enjoy dolling up seriously. my weird thing with buying nice clothes and end up not wearing them HAHA. from what i have observed, making up becomes an addiction. many people (at least those around me and those i see from tv) have been making up their entire adulthood and cant even pluck up the courage to step out of house without make up on. i think thats insane! when people get used to your 'perfect' look its hard to conceal their disappointment when they see your natural look.
guess i inherited my mum's genes totally! i have aunties who love dolling up, trying to influence me in their ways ever since i was young. buying nice dresses and skirts for me only hoping i will wear them but i never did until 12?!! hahaha there was a period i went into a 'tomboy' mode and scorned at any dresses and skirts. being in wushu i never really cared about a girl's posture and decorum.. so i always got it badly when i wasnt sitting the 'right' way as a girl when i was young. but my mum was never bothered. my aunties were the ones getting pretty freaked out by my actions but my mum was real nonchalent about it and she allowed me to continue to be in my ways. my mum has never been one who loves dolling up either. she probably puts on make up thrice a year. twice for Chinese New Year and once for a random wedding dinner. well thats why i have to mug youtube to learn make up. i swear my mum's worse than me in make up!
well we are all gonna become an old hag in years to come, and then end up being a bag of bones just like anyone else, whether you are pretty/handsome or not.
decent clothes to me = polo tee and comfy long pants. i guess the rest of the 'nice clothes' will continue to be stuck in the deep depths of my wardrope until i feel real comfortable in them. i wonder why my mum and i bought them in the first place?!?
Friday, November 27, 2009
i actually dont know whats gotten into me that im posting at such a rapid rate.
just wanna say. i miss nanyang guzheng terribly.
was just reading the 06-08 guzheng posts. as the years go by, i will be more and more distant from nygz..and in just 1 year's time, when i go back to nygz, only linlaoshi and zhenglaoshi will recognize me. and now i can totally find myself sympathizing for once with what Mahathir said (caught it on History Channel that day)- when you find yourself nurturing something with all your heart, as if its your baby, you find it hard to let go even when you are supposed to. and perhaps i just havent found something else to replace the void.
was surprised by how at ease i was with nygz. noted that every post started with 'hello dears, hello darlings' ending with 'will miss you guys for 2 weeks without practices'. okay for some it may be abit mushy whatsoever, but it truly reflected my affection for this family in many ways.
i'm really very blessed (: not many can look back at their cca times with such fond memories so close to the heart!
hopefully the gz alumni can seek to fill this emptiness haha ;D
mm. i realized i havent really grown in the past 2 years.
abit too late. not till i realized that og times was 2 years ago. the end of 07 and start of 08 was probably the period i started to re-evaluate alot of things in life, and make a conscious effort to strive to become a better person each day. but i think i have stagnated after 2 years. just cant believe 2 years just flew (is there a word that can describe something even faster than 'fly') past. the concept of time is real fascinating.
Monday, November 23, 2009
I managed to catch the documentary 'Terror in Mumbai' last night on the Discovery Channel at 12am and it left me sleepless.
I couldn't have been able to imagine the intensity of the fear of those people taken hostages until I got to see for myself the real-life accounts of those who escaped the clutches of death. Even as a viewer watching the documentary, the trepidation that I felt just by listening to their accounts and watching the video clips already left me gasping for breath. Every single minute watching the documentary was spent going, "I can't understand why. I can't. I can't" and at the same time trying to calm my nerves. It's just crazy how fear had engulfed me simply by WATCHING what had befallen upon others. Just imagine a few gunmen marching into your room pointing their rifles at you..or just imagine hiding in a corner of the pitch-black room listening to the incessant gun-shots fired outside, not knowing whether you will be alive the next moment..
That was one moment I clearly understood how technology is a double-edged sword. An interview sent over to the CNN by one man hiding in the hotel chamber with many others was broadcasted worldwide. But at the same time, perhaps the world didnt know that the mastermind of the spate of attacks, like everybody else, could have access to this vital piece of information for them to maximize their destruction. The terrorists were now instuctured to stomp into the chamber.
An account by a lady who had survived the attack left me thinking for quite a while. She had managed to escape death by using her black scarf over her dress as a headscarf, deluding the terrorists that she was a Muslim. She said something along the lines that the terrorists were dumb-founded when they saw her using the tap, and wanted to do the same, but they had no idea how a tap works. "They could not even turn on a tap. Yet, with a gun, they could do anything, everything." Her husband was similarly able to escape the gunshots by reciting a verse, the only verse he knew from the Quran to validate that he was a Muslim. They were told to kneel down to pray to God, while everybody behind them were mercilessly fired upon, as blood of the other victims splattered all across them.
It must have been crazy. I was trying to imagine if I was there.. Would I have been able to even withstand the fear?
And i jokingly told my mum that I would have probably died of a heart failure first rather than being shot down by the terrorists. Bravery. Courage. Sacrifice. The words that struck me during the course of the documentary. Hotel managers and waiters risked their lives to protect their guests and stayed back despite having chances thrown before them to escape. These selfless heroes really earn our utmost respect.
Despite catching up with the news of the attacks everyday last year, it never did hit me so hard how torturing and agonizing those hours really were for the people who went through the attacks.
And I'm reminded of the line Liting and I used to say. Wake up every morning, look into the mirror, and be thankful you're still alive.
Monday, November 16, 2009
my birthday present by my two dearest friends - ruiqi and van <3
haha its quite subtle i didnt even get it at the first glance! anybody reading this figured it out already?
ruiqi and van know me best la :D looking at the lyrics they came out with says everything already; so representative of me (if we were to neglect the part on van's leopard prints ____ and ruiqi's sexy voice) :P ruiqi if you are reading this...my calf muscles craze has stopped long ago already! so i can still happily 结婚生子 hahaha!
when my surprise attack on van had failed miserably on 6th nov...van and ruiqi managed to execute their plan so well i didnt even expect it seriously!!! kae so i was taking my afternoon nap on a sat afternoon... and had prepared tables and chairs for van who claimed she was coming to study at my house! then van called and asked me to look down from my window?! and the next thing that happened was 2 crazy girls singing 对面的女孩看过来 at the top of their voices at my void deck?!! (for more details go check out the videos on facebook :P)
and when they came out to my house they insisted on presenting their songs before stepping in! the lyrics are damn epic!!!! HAHAHA OKAY i shall flaunt your talents here ok :P
To the tune of 如果的事 chorus:
如果你已经不能控制
每天想我们一次
你的眼睛就会自然湿
如果你上梁CSC
听更多道德经
你的心情就会自然开心
如果你决定跟随感觉
为爱勇敢一次
祝你和** 早生贵子
我们肯定会支持到底
这般恋爱心情
因为你快乐是我们快乐
-------------------------
To the tune of 爱如潮水 chorus: (solo by off-tune Queen (King) Tay Ruiqi!) :
你千万不要整天摸别人的小腿
否则告你非礼就后悔莫及了
从此不必妄想结婚生子了
你千万不要忘记VAN 的 LEOPARD PRINTS BRA
还有 TAY RUIQI SEXY 的嗓音啊
你可知道这样我们会心碎~
HAHAHA i cant help but laugh everytime i watch the video!!! nobody can beat their creativity and craziness seriously! really 不得不爱 你们！just makes me sit back and wonder why i could be so fortunate to have such special friends.. and when i look back 10 years down the road, i'll be so glad i have a repository of crazy and beautiful memories to remininisce. and i really love the jacket! :D have just got so much to appreciate these selfless friends - doing so much for me in the midst of A levels. <3
and thankyou to all other friends who wished me things like 早生贵子 and stuff HAHA :P
THANKYOU
lishian
yuqin
yuyu
yukang
xiaohui
rach
chit
lydia
chongtee
taisoon
freddi
siyun
yiding
xiangjie
dory
rachel chng
sheen
char
for your precious SMSes :D
and all those other facebook well-wishes :D
(the only time of the year i have ever been so active on facebook; and the first ever realization that i did not active my 'wall'!!! so i never had a 'wall' for 2 plus years ever since i created my account. how cool is that?! and the first experience using chatting on facebook with ruth HAHA how cool can i still get?!)
becca
linlaoshi
chejian
yehui
jindao
chengxin
ruth
ms kumar
liting
eugene
zhenping
benita
adrian
pohting
joseph
edward
sohweekian
boonyang
sheila
wangxue
bochengkor
jingwei
yichao
kelvin
hope i didnt miss out anyone :D really really appreciate your well-wishes. every birthday has a symbolic meaning of reflection, appreciation and gratitude. and most importantly, to remember how my mummy went through so much pain in labour to deliver me to this place :)
just 1 year ago i was at mother teresa's home. it couldnt have been more meaningful..having spent my birthday doing a lil bit for the children.
moving on 1 year later, i hope i have matured into a better person.. and have learnt to give more than take. its a constant reminder and i cant say i have always been able to do so, but i'm trying. and i hope a year later on this day, i can firmly assert that the past year has been one that has witnessed growth and maturity :)
my birthday present by my two dearest friends - ruiqi and van <3